I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OPIZZABONMYDICK
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
