I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
