Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
