You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize