cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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