i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
