70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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