Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize