i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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