I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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