Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
