Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
