You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
