the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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