He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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