I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
