I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
