the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize