So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
