It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
