But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
