Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
