he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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