Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
