I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
