My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
