I feel great
I just peed on a car
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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