Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
