Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
