not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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