I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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