my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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