i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
