He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
