I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
