i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
