ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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