I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize