HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
