My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
