Yo dont text me then not text me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
