I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
