i used baking grease as lip gloss
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
