walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
