we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize