i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
