peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
