im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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