there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
