Everything about him screamed your future.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
