Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
