Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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