my phone needs a breathalizer
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
