apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
