Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
