you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
