so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
