i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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