My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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