You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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