she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is the high leading the old right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
