Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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