seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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