youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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