You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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