just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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