Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
