He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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