4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
