I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
