matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
