Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
