Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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