You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
