I got chris browned last night
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
