I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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