She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
