I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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