you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
