My friends, they love my intelligence
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
