I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
