I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
