I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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