@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
