if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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