when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
