From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
