But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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