so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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