I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
