Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
jump out the window naked night went bad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
