That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
