This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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