So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
