i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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