i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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