TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
