How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
