It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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