I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
