You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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