here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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