Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
