My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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